I've started watching what I eat and exercising in attempts to fit into a ball dress that is two sizes too small. Oh, and I'm supposed to do this all in a month! I've been at it for about a week now and according to my scale this morning I had not lost a pound. Nothing. I'm stressed out, I know I won't fit into that dress, and if I do happen to get it zipped it is not going to be pretty.
So onto mistake #1 for the day: telling my husband I'm frustrated with all of this. At the time I just wanted some pity and some support. Instead he gives me this little gem "Once you start getting smaller you will see your weight drop"..... If I wasn't on the verge of tears before then he sure opened the flood gates with that one. I'm sure he didn't mean anything offensive by it but it wasn't what I needed to hear from him. Sigh.
Mistake #2: Thinking he'd apologize once he got home. Didn't happen! He had a very chatty conversation with his mother but could he say "I'm sorry" to me? No way. He muttered two whole sentences to me the entire night...... So when he went to bed for the night I figured I'd go in too and maybe he'd say something then. WRONG! Still nothing. So I waited, and waited.... And then I heard his sleeping noises. I've told him multiple times I absolutely hate going to bed upset but he never seems to remember that. Just like he couldn't remember to aplogize....
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Sunday, July 24, 2011
"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance."
Truer words have not been spoken! Sometimes I have very little patience for my children. And I know that may sound horrible but it is the truth. My 3 year old has figured out my buttons and also which ones to push. He has tested my boundaries time and time again. He walks that line every day of what is acceptable and what is not. He will dip his toes in the "forbidden" zone and then quickly come back when he sees my "Don't you dare" face. I have to remind myself multiple times a day that this IS normal behavior, he isn't a naughty kid, and he won't always be this 3 year old monster(no, next year he will be the 4 year old monster!).
My husband has about the same level of patience that I do. But I get so frustrated with him when he gets upset with our kids. And I know why. Because I am with them all day long during the week so how can he get upset in the 3-4 hours he sees them during the day? I just feel like he should have more patience with them than I do but that's not realistic or fair, really.
I know we will look back on these days and laugh and I know it won't always be this way. My kids are my life and although I may not always be happy with them I will always love them.
My husband has about the same level of patience that I do. But I get so frustrated with him when he gets upset with our kids. And I know why. Because I am with them all day long during the week so how can he get upset in the 3-4 hours he sees them during the day? I just feel like he should have more patience with them than I do but that's not realistic or fair, really.
I know we will look back on these days and laugh and I know it won't always be this way. My kids are my life and although I may not always be happy with them I will always love them.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
"All that a husband or wife really wants is to be pitied a little, praised a little, and appreciated a little."
Appreciated a little... Today I'm feeling that all I do is "just" keep our house clean and "just" keep our kids happy and healthy. I hate when people say I "just stay home". I've heard my husband say this a couple of times and it disheartens me. I don't JUST stay home. I keep the house going and I take care of our children, which I think is a pretty important job! But because I don't go out of the house and because I don't make actual money people don't view it as a job. I'm just a mom, I'm just a housewife. I hate the word just. But I just want to be appreciated a little.
My husband got promoted the beginning of this month and I know I told him how proud I was of him and his accomplishments. And I know I tell him that I'm thankful he takes care of us. But sometimes it'd be nice to get a little of that back. I don't do what I do for praise. I LOVE staying home with my babies and I wouldn't trade it for anything. But every once in awhile people do need positive thoughts. Being a housewife is a pretty thankless job.....
My husband got promoted the beginning of this month and I know I told him how proud I was of him and his accomplishments. And I know I tell him that I'm thankful he takes care of us. But sometimes it'd be nice to get a little of that back. I don't do what I do for praise. I LOVE staying home with my babies and I wouldn't trade it for anything. But every once in awhile people do need positive thoughts. Being a housewife is a pretty thankless job.....
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight."
Does this work? I don't know... We never hash things out if we get mad before bedtime. We always go to bed upset with each other and sweep it under the rug the next day. I hate going to bed mad. We aren't guaranteed tomorrow and I don't want to regret memories. But, here I am, blogging at 11:30 PM while my husband is sleeping(I guess) and we went to bed not speaking.
It was over something silly, as most of our fights are. We rarely argue about anything substantial. It's petty little things. Sometimes it's like we nitpick each other until there is something to fight about. And we never stay upset at each other. In that aspect I suppose we are lucky but it's like we never really talk about what happened. It gets ignored which means it's left unresolved. Which also means it probably gets brought back up later on down the road.
It was over something silly, as most of our fights are. We rarely argue about anything substantial. It's petty little things. Sometimes it's like we nitpick each other until there is something to fight about. And we never stay upset at each other. In that aspect I suppose we are lucky but it's like we never really talk about what happened. It gets ignored which means it's left unresolved. Which also means it probably gets brought back up later on down the road.
"All major religious traditions carry basically the same message, that is love, compassion and forgiveness ... the important thing is they should be part of our daily lives.”
My husband's father, a very Christian-like man, seems to be having trouble living up to his advice lately. Forgive and forget, put it in God's hands, let the past be the past..... He and my husband got into a tiff a couple of weeks ago. My husband has since then apologized but his dad cannot let it go and it's starting to put holes into their relationship. I hate seeing my husband so defeated looking and so hurt. I can only hope his dad realizes what he has to lose before it's too late.
I think a relationship between a parent and a child is one of the most important things in life. I am so thankful and blessed that, to this day, I have such a strong bond with my parents. I am 26 years old and my mom is one of my best friends. I can tell her anything without feeling judged. I love going shopping with her and chatting on the phone with her. And I am still Daddy's girl. There is still a sense of protection my father offers me, I know he will always take care of me and be one of my rocks in life. And they are just awesome grandparents! One of the best things is seeing them interact with their grandchildren. They adore these kids and my children are so lucky to have them in their lives.
I hope I am half the parent mine are to me. And I hope when my kids are grown and are adults they can come to me with anything. Only time will tell but I will lay the groundwork and I will do my paret to ensure that happens.
I think a relationship between a parent and a child is one of the most important things in life. I am so thankful and blessed that, to this day, I have such a strong bond with my parents. I am 26 years old and my mom is one of my best friends. I can tell her anything without feeling judged. I love going shopping with her and chatting on the phone with her. And I am still Daddy's girl. There is still a sense of protection my father offers me, I know he will always take care of me and be one of my rocks in life. And they are just awesome grandparents! One of the best things is seeing them interact with their grandchildren. They adore these kids and my children are so lucky to have them in their lives.
I hope I am half the parent mine are to me. And I hope when my kids are grown and are adults they can come to me with anything. Only time will tell but I will lay the groundwork and I will do my paret to ensure that happens.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
"I'm a hopeless romantic. It's disgusting. It really is. I've seen 'While You Were Sleeping', like, twenty times, and I still believe in the whole Prince Charming thing.”
So this is my first post and I wonder if anyone will find this. This is more for me than anyone else so if I'm the only person that will ever read it that is fine by me.
I want to talk about romance. I have been married for 6 1/2 years now which may not be long to some but seems like forever to me. My husband and I met in an AOL chatroom about 12 years ago. At that time we didn't know what our future held or that it would be together, we were just "chat buddies" and nothing more. Our senior year of high school is when things got more serious between us. I told my parents about him and without my knowing they set up a weekend where he was to come out and meet us(up to this point I had not seen him face to face). My mom felt good about him, so good that she invited him into our house the first day he came. We joke about it to this day because my parents allowed him to spend the night that first night too. A complete stranger(to them) staying the night in our house wasn't something that was normal for them. I wasn't sure if he'd be back after that weekend. I have never been the "perfect" girl. I'm not a size 5 and I was quite awkward in high school. So when he left that weekend my feelings were unsure....
But he came back and he kept coming back that summer. We soaked it all in because he left for bootcamp in July. We wrote each other as much as we could. I checked the mailbox with great urgency daily and I quickly learned to scan the mail for his handwriting. Those letters meant more to me than I think he will ever know. He graduated in October and my mom and I flew out to see him. The day I finally saw him I had butterflies dancing around in my stomach. I was so proud of him and so happy to see him. When we came back home he got me a ring(which I wear to this day!). I think that is when he realized we were going to get married. I still was not sure. I thought at any moment this would be gone. That he would find someone better, someone closer to him(we lived 2 hours apart), someone prettier. I don't know if I have ever told him this but any time the phone rang and it was his voice I held my breath. I waited to hear the "We should just be friends" line. It never came.
Fast forward to December 2003. He came to visit for Christmas and to change my life forever. It was December 23rd, 20 degrees outside, and he wanted to go visit the lake. This is a spot we'd frequent often because there was a trail around the lake. So we went and I thought he was crazy for wanting to go outside in weather like this! We started walking across the bridge and then I heard my name. I turned around and there he was, on one knee, with a ring in hand. I asked him what he was doing(haha)! He asked me to marry him, I said yes, and we booked it back to the car because we were both freezing. There are certain days or times you will ALWAYS remember and this is one of them for me. I WAS ENGAGED! I woke up the next morning fully expecting it to be a dream but the ring was still there.
We got married the following year and it was perfect. My dress, his dress blues, our family and friends. Everything was how I would have wanted it.
A lot has happened since then. We've moved(4 times together, 2 times just me) a lot thanks to the Marine Corps, we've grown up a lot, and we have two beautiful children. They are the best thing that has come out of us being together. It's like God took the best things of the two of us and put them all in our children. I love seeing parts of us come out in them. Our son is 3 right now and he is such a happy little guy but if you make him mad, watch out! Our daughter is 10 months old and she is already determined but she is also quite the diva! They make me laugh and make each day worth living.
But sometimes I feel like my husband and I are just going through the motions. The romance we first had is no longer there. I know he loves me and I love him with all my heart but I miss the way some things used to be. He used to send me lyrics to songs just because they reminded him of me. And I got flowers for no other reason than he wanted to get them for me. Now we only do expected things. Holidays, anniversary, birthdays.... And that is one thing about our relationship that I hate. But what do you do? Say "I want flowers just because"? You can't say that because the next time you got flowers without it being a holiday it still would have been expected. I want phone calls just to say "I love you", not because one of the kids has an appointment or I need him to stop at the store for something on his way home. I want to cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie or fall asleep tangled up together. I hate the roles we play now. Will that change? I don't know, but I can hope.
I want to talk about romance. I have been married for 6 1/2 years now which may not be long to some but seems like forever to me. My husband and I met in an AOL chatroom about 12 years ago. At that time we didn't know what our future held or that it would be together, we were just "chat buddies" and nothing more. Our senior year of high school is when things got more serious between us. I told my parents about him and without my knowing they set up a weekend where he was to come out and meet us(up to this point I had not seen him face to face). My mom felt good about him, so good that she invited him into our house the first day he came. We joke about it to this day because my parents allowed him to spend the night that first night too. A complete stranger(to them) staying the night in our house wasn't something that was normal for them. I wasn't sure if he'd be back after that weekend. I have never been the "perfect" girl. I'm not a size 5 and I was quite awkward in high school. So when he left that weekend my feelings were unsure....
But he came back and he kept coming back that summer. We soaked it all in because he left for bootcamp in July. We wrote each other as much as we could. I checked the mailbox with great urgency daily and I quickly learned to scan the mail for his handwriting. Those letters meant more to me than I think he will ever know. He graduated in October and my mom and I flew out to see him. The day I finally saw him I had butterflies dancing around in my stomach. I was so proud of him and so happy to see him. When we came back home he got me a ring(which I wear to this day!). I think that is when he realized we were going to get married. I still was not sure. I thought at any moment this would be gone. That he would find someone better, someone closer to him(we lived 2 hours apart), someone prettier. I don't know if I have ever told him this but any time the phone rang and it was his voice I held my breath. I waited to hear the "We should just be friends" line. It never came.
Fast forward to December 2003. He came to visit for Christmas and to change my life forever. It was December 23rd, 20 degrees outside, and he wanted to go visit the lake. This is a spot we'd frequent often because there was a trail around the lake. So we went and I thought he was crazy for wanting to go outside in weather like this! We started walking across the bridge and then I heard my name. I turned around and there he was, on one knee, with a ring in hand. I asked him what he was doing(haha)! He asked me to marry him, I said yes, and we booked it back to the car because we were both freezing. There are certain days or times you will ALWAYS remember and this is one of them for me. I WAS ENGAGED! I woke up the next morning fully expecting it to be a dream but the ring was still there.
We got married the following year and it was perfect. My dress, his dress blues, our family and friends. Everything was how I would have wanted it.
A lot has happened since then. We've moved(4 times together, 2 times just me) a lot thanks to the Marine Corps, we've grown up a lot, and we have two beautiful children. They are the best thing that has come out of us being together. It's like God took the best things of the two of us and put them all in our children. I love seeing parts of us come out in them. Our son is 3 right now and he is such a happy little guy but if you make him mad, watch out! Our daughter is 10 months old and she is already determined but she is also quite the diva! They make me laugh and make each day worth living.
But sometimes I feel like my husband and I are just going through the motions. The romance we first had is no longer there. I know he loves me and I love him with all my heart but I miss the way some things used to be. He used to send me lyrics to songs just because they reminded him of me. And I got flowers for no other reason than he wanted to get them for me. Now we only do expected things. Holidays, anniversary, birthdays.... And that is one thing about our relationship that I hate. But what do you do? Say "I want flowers just because"? You can't say that because the next time you got flowers without it being a holiday it still would have been expected. I want phone calls just to say "I love you", not because one of the kids has an appointment or I need him to stop at the store for something on his way home. I want to cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie or fall asleep tangled up together. I hate the roles we play now. Will that change? I don't know, but I can hope.
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