So this is my first post and I wonder if anyone will find this. This is more for me than anyone else so if I'm the only person that will ever read it that is fine by me.
I want to talk about romance. I have been married for 6 1/2 years now which may not be long to some but seems like forever to me. My husband and I met in an AOL chatroom about 12 years ago. At that time we didn't know what our future held or that it would be together, we were just "chat buddies" and nothing more. Our senior year of high school is when things got more serious between us. I told my parents about him and without my knowing they set up a weekend where he was to come out and meet us(up to this point I had not seen him face to face). My mom felt good about him, so good that she invited him into our house the first day he came. We joke about it to this day because my parents allowed him to spend the night that first night too. A complete stranger(to them) staying the night in our house wasn't something that was normal for them. I wasn't sure if he'd be back after that weekend. I have never been the "perfect" girl. I'm not a size 5 and I was quite awkward in high school. So when he left that weekend my feelings were unsure....
But he came back and he kept coming back that summer. We soaked it all in because he left for bootcamp in July. We wrote each other as much as we could. I checked the mailbox with great urgency daily and I quickly learned to scan the mail for his handwriting. Those letters meant more to me than I think he will ever know. He graduated in October and my mom and I flew out to see him. The day I finally saw him I had butterflies dancing around in my stomach. I was so proud of him and so happy to see him. When we came back home he got me a ring(which I wear to this day!). I think that is when he realized we were going to get married. I still was not sure. I thought at any moment this would be gone. That he would find someone better, someone closer to him(we lived 2 hours apart), someone prettier. I don't know if I have ever told him this but any time the phone rang and it was his voice I held my breath. I waited to hear the "We should just be friends" line. It never came.
Fast forward to December 2003. He came to visit for Christmas and to change my life forever. It was December 23rd, 20 degrees outside, and he wanted to go visit the lake. This is a spot we'd frequent often because there was a trail around the lake. So we went and I thought he was crazy for wanting to go outside in weather like this! We started walking across the bridge and then I heard my name. I turned around and there he was, on one knee, with a ring in hand. I asked him what he was doing(haha)! He asked me to marry him, I said yes, and we booked it back to the car because we were both freezing. There are certain days or times you will ALWAYS remember and this is one of them for me. I WAS ENGAGED! I woke up the next morning fully expecting it to be a dream but the ring was still there.
We got married the following year and it was perfect. My dress, his dress blues, our family and friends. Everything was how I would have wanted it.
A lot has happened since then. We've moved(4 times together, 2 times just me) a lot thanks to the Marine Corps, we've grown up a lot, and we have two beautiful children. They are the best thing that has come out of us being together. It's like God took the best things of the two of us and put them all in our children. I love seeing parts of us come out in them. Our son is 3 right now and he is such a happy little guy but if you make him mad, watch out! Our daughter is 10 months old and she is already determined but she is also quite the diva! They make me laugh and make each day worth living.
But sometimes I feel like my husband and I are just going through the motions. The romance we first had is no longer there. I know he loves me and I love him with all my heart but I miss the way some things used to be. He used to send me lyrics to songs just because they reminded him of me. And I got flowers for no other reason than he wanted to get them for me. Now we only do expected things. Holidays, anniversary, birthdays.... And that is one thing about our relationship that I hate. But what do you do? Say "I want flowers just because"? You can't say that because the next time you got flowers without it being a holiday it still would have been expected. I want phone calls just to say "I love you", not because one of the kids has an appointment or I need him to stop at the store for something on his way home. I want to cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie or fall asleep tangled up together. I hate the roles we play now. Will that change? I don't know, but I can hope.
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